Well hello Bammers! RTR!!!!!!!!! Gah, Nick Saban is the shiv. He rocks the casbah and is two legit to quit. I actually stayed up last night to watch the entire game and I was glad I did. It's often hard watching another team get beat so bad......almost. The baby daddy and I stayed up and had a few cold ones during the game in which we had some interesting conversations.
Before the game, I opened the world of the cloud to my mom and Juju so I can share videos with them. They, inturn, sent a video back to us for Sadie Marie to watch. LAWD HAVE MERCY. Sadie Marie was FREAKING out watching the video, she made me play it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.........and over. GAH, she starting crying when I acted like I was not gonna play it again. It was pretty funny at first, but then after the 50th time I watched this video, I just gave her my phone and told her she could watch it all she wanted if she could get it to play. I'll be damned she found the play button and played it over and over and over and over and over, until she finally went to bed!
During halftime we were watching the halftime report and the Million Dollar Band was in the background performing and I was like:
Me: Huh, wonder why we can't hear the band.
Him: What are you talking about, we aren't there.
Me: No......they are right beside the band talking......why can't we hear them.
Him: Technology
Me: WHAT does that mean.
Him: Technology is the reason, those microphones cancel out all backgroud noise.
Me: Oh, wow those are good. The band is loud.
Him: Yea, technology. DUH.
Me: SMH. I will punch you in the face.
Him: You can't reach that far munchkin.
Me: True.
We went back to watching the half time report and I was secretly awed by these noise canceling microphones. I need one of those at work, when I wear my headset mic during phone calls or in meetings they pick up background noise better than they do my voice.
During this game, I saw a commercial for the Buick Enclave.........in which the car was started remotely as the dude was landing in a commercial AIRPLANE. I have several problems with this but I only need to list one:
1. Remote starts don't reach that far. The car doesn't stay on long enough for you to get your baggage and ride the bus to the economy lot, which PS is where this family was parked. It's also probably against airplane/secret service/technology to send a laser to your car from the sky.
Anyway, I thought that was funny.
So, I accepted a challenge with a girl I work with to see who could lose 10 lbs the fastest and GAH I'm loosing. I gained 2 lbs over the weekend and she's down 4 lbs. I seriously am going to have to go on a fast. I run 4 miles every day and clearly I just need to stop eating in order to lose weight. I'm going back to the fat doctor ASAP so I can achieve said goal of not eating! I'm fixing to take the special K challenge. Shit, would wouldn't lose weight if they only ate two bowls of cereal a day. Me.....probably me. I'm going to buy some Special K this afternoon. I think it will work if I just eat cuties in between meals. I'm obcessed with cuties.
Last night I had a dream that all of my friends from high school and college hated me. Like legit, eighth grade style shunned me at a football game. Theron was there and thought it was funny, but I proceeded to cat call at them and make them cry. WTH. We seriously were at a football game, we all had kids and were adults, but I couldn't figure out why they hated me. I never found out because I woke up at 650 AM with only a tiny hangover after last nights festivities. GAH. I hate it when dreams end all unresolved. I wish I knew why they were mad, it was like a high school mad too. Like I didn't keep a secret about all of them. I do remember kicking one of my friends in the butt. Who does that. Me, apparently, in my dreams.
Anyway, if you have not already heard the good news. I totally got promoted. It's the shiv. I'm super excited about everything that this promotion means. 2013 is gonna be awesome, like so awesome that FUN. is gonna have to write a song about it being so fun. Y'all stay tuned, we sold our house and we are getting ready to move in the coming weeks HOPEFULLY, if they ever approve this thing and I can only imagine what adventures that will bring. Hopefully a saner, skinnier April, but we shall see!
Y'all be good!
April
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Deep Thoughts from 2012
Whew, 2012 has come and gone and I know wiser inthe ways of the world this January. I hope everyone can say that but alas, I KNOW some folks who never seem to learn from the lessons life teaches you. THANK GOODNESS I have made my 2013 resolution to stop worrying about those folks who don't want to learn as we grow and change as we learn. I simply cannot worry myself with those I cannot change, I can only try to teach them lessons and hope they learn from them. SO! Now that you know my first resolution, here's my second of two......lose 30 lbs. I would like to think it's the rest of the baby weight from 2011 but let's be honest after a year, you should stop calling it baby weight and just admit your fat. Which I am, but not for long.
I'm in a secret competition with a girl I work with to at LEAST keep up with her in weigthloss. Lawd, girl has 4 kids and she has more energy than anyone I know and she makes me want to lose weight. For one, I can't let her lose more than me, even if the battle is a secret and I can consistently run 4 miles everyday and since I already have the workout down, I just need to get my eating under control......MUCH easier said than done. Running makes you hungry.
Anyway, I learned some other stuff in 2012 but who really cares. Y'all want to know about what happened in 2012 right, because some funny and exciting stuff really did happen:
1. We SOLD our house. That's right we did it, we put this puppy on the market and SOLD it. But we did a short sale so five months later we are still in our house. Who knows if this sale will EVER get approved. I think they send short sales to Hell and they just sit on the Devil's desk for 5 months and then someone (possibly my realtor) thinks about it for a minute and sends pony express to check on it and then maybe I'll get an update in month 6. For real, it has not been an awesome experience. My realtor sent me an email that had three words in it: "True Patty Home".....here's the conversation:
Me: Please explain what True Patty home means. I don't have time to decipher this shit. (because this has happened before and I think you are stupid and you suck as a realtor but I've been trying to be nice and more professional than you)
Realtor: April, I don't know what this means.
Me: ARE YOU KIDDING. You sent me this email. You are unprofessional and if you send me another email like this I'm going to report you to the realtor gods and have your license revoked.
Realtor: My email was hacked. Don't respond to this email account anymore.
Me: LIAR. I have a Master's degree in Public Administration and a PHD in dealing with idiots, you are lying. You responded from your smartphone and autospell screwed you over. You're an idiot for not reading the message before you sent it AND.....AND I have told you this before.......YOU'RE FIRED.
Well, most of this conversation really did occur except for the you're fired part because you can't fire your realtor AFTER you sign a stupid contract with them. Did I mention she has sent cryptic messages before. She sent me an email and I have waited more than a week to respond to her. GAH. Why are people dumb.
2. Sadie Marie is DEFINITELY my child. Lawd she is me made over and it really set in how hard my parents must have had it when my mom said, dang I have not seen a fit like that in 32 years. BOOM. Life full circle. The threw a fit in El Ranchero two weeks ago that literally made the lady sitting behind us ask me if she was OK after she banged her head on the wood behind her. Awesome. Mind you she did not cry after said head banging, she merely looked at me and continued to throw herself around like a rag doll IN the booth at El Ranchero. Yep, she mine. She has also kinda started twirling her hair and anyone who knows me, knows that a STAPLE in my life.
3. Lots of people suck. They suck it so hard they should be all shriveled up, but alas they continue to live. If you make a resolution in 2013, let it be that you are a person of your word. Nothing is more spineless than going back on your word. Also, be a good neighbor. Help others who need it, you never know when you are going to the one in need and you will only be treated as good as you have treated others.
4. I miss living in Selma. That's right, I've said it. There's lots to be said about that little town, but I do know one thing, I miss it. I miss the lack of traffic, I miss being able to be anywhere in 5 minutes, I even miss the Wal-mart there. Even the doctors are better. The doctors here are ridiculous and sometimes you just need a good Southern remedy but what I miss the most are my friends and family.
So I learned more stuff than this, but it's not very interesting and I can't remember any of it right now. Yes, I'm sure I learned it.
We are now in 2013 and jeez, it seems like just yesterday we had Sadie Marie's first birthday and now I have to start planning for birthday number two. GAH. In 5 short months the nugget will be two years old and sweet baby Jesus if the terrible twos are still to come, we gotta make up a name for 12-24 months. How about the War of the Ones.........because I often have to pick my battles. Between the West fits and bitch slaps, if my sweet child gives me one more pinch hickey on my neck, I'm going to have to start wearing turtle necks 24/7. Sadie Marie pinches me when I hold her, she pinches me when I change her diaper, she pinches me ALLLLL the time. She also likes to slap me square in the face sometimes. Maybe it's her way of showing love. My sweet little cousin rubs your ear when she's tired, Sadie Marie pinches. At least she's not biting yet. My sweet little cousin does that too.
Wondering what a West fit is???? Well apparently the Morton/Lauderback/West side of our family is pretty strong willed and my daddy calls the fits Sadie Marie throws a West fit. He also calls her Mutt, after my Uncle Mutt who wore a 24/7 scowl OR Lady Kent who was clearly not a pretty lady in her forever frown. It's funny, but lawd, I hope as we learn to use more and more words in 2013 that Sadie Marie will learn to TELL us what she wants as opposed to SCREAMING about it. :)
We had a fantastic Christmas in the SEL and here are some photos from our adventures.
I'm pretty excited for 2013, we survived the end of the Mayan calendar (lawd, I know some doomsday preppers are pissed), and we are all healthy and happy.What more can you ask for?
Love y'all!!
April
I'm in a secret competition with a girl I work with to at LEAST keep up with her in weigthloss. Lawd, girl has 4 kids and she has more energy than anyone I know and she makes me want to lose weight. For one, I can't let her lose more than me, even if the battle is a secret and I can consistently run 4 miles everyday and since I already have the workout down, I just need to get my eating under control......MUCH easier said than done. Running makes you hungry.
Anyway, I learned some other stuff in 2012 but who really cares. Y'all want to know about what happened in 2012 right, because some funny and exciting stuff really did happen:
1. We SOLD our house. That's right we did it, we put this puppy on the market and SOLD it. But we did a short sale so five months later we are still in our house. Who knows if this sale will EVER get approved. I think they send short sales to Hell and they just sit on the Devil's desk for 5 months and then someone (possibly my realtor) thinks about it for a minute and sends pony express to check on it and then maybe I'll get an update in month 6. For real, it has not been an awesome experience. My realtor sent me an email that had three words in it: "True Patty Home".....here's the conversation:
Me: Please explain what True Patty home means. I don't have time to decipher this shit. (because this has happened before and I think you are stupid and you suck as a realtor but I've been trying to be nice and more professional than you)
Realtor: April, I don't know what this means.
Me: ARE YOU KIDDING. You sent me this email. You are unprofessional and if you send me another email like this I'm going to report you to the realtor gods and have your license revoked.
Realtor: My email was hacked. Don't respond to this email account anymore.
Me: LIAR. I have a Master's degree in Public Administration and a PHD in dealing with idiots, you are lying. You responded from your smartphone and autospell screwed you over. You're an idiot for not reading the message before you sent it AND.....AND I have told you this before.......YOU'RE FIRED.
Well, most of this conversation really did occur except for the you're fired part because you can't fire your realtor AFTER you sign a stupid contract with them. Did I mention she has sent cryptic messages before. She sent me an email and I have waited more than a week to respond to her. GAH. Why are people dumb.
2. Sadie Marie is DEFINITELY my child. Lawd she is me made over and it really set in how hard my parents must have had it when my mom said, dang I have not seen a fit like that in 32 years. BOOM. Life full circle. The threw a fit in El Ranchero two weeks ago that literally made the lady sitting behind us ask me if she was OK after she banged her head on the wood behind her. Awesome. Mind you she did not cry after said head banging, she merely looked at me and continued to throw herself around like a rag doll IN the booth at El Ranchero. Yep, she mine. She has also kinda started twirling her hair and anyone who knows me, knows that a STAPLE in my life.
3. Lots of people suck. They suck it so hard they should be all shriveled up, but alas they continue to live. If you make a resolution in 2013, let it be that you are a person of your word. Nothing is more spineless than going back on your word. Also, be a good neighbor. Help others who need it, you never know when you are going to the one in need and you will only be treated as good as you have treated others.
4. I miss living in Selma. That's right, I've said it. There's lots to be said about that little town, but I do know one thing, I miss it. I miss the lack of traffic, I miss being able to be anywhere in 5 minutes, I even miss the Wal-mart there. Even the doctors are better. The doctors here are ridiculous and sometimes you just need a good Southern remedy but what I miss the most are my friends and family.
So I learned more stuff than this, but it's not very interesting and I can't remember any of it right now. Yes, I'm sure I learned it.
We are now in 2013 and jeez, it seems like just yesterday we had Sadie Marie's first birthday and now I have to start planning for birthday number two. GAH. In 5 short months the nugget will be two years old and sweet baby Jesus if the terrible twos are still to come, we gotta make up a name for 12-24 months. How about the War of the Ones.........because I often have to pick my battles. Between the West fits and bitch slaps, if my sweet child gives me one more pinch hickey on my neck, I'm going to have to start wearing turtle necks 24/7. Sadie Marie pinches me when I hold her, she pinches me when I change her diaper, she pinches me ALLLLL the time. She also likes to slap me square in the face sometimes. Maybe it's her way of showing love. My sweet little cousin rubs your ear when she's tired, Sadie Marie pinches. At least she's not biting yet. My sweet little cousin does that too.
Wondering what a West fit is???? Well apparently the Morton/Lauderback/West side of our family is pretty strong willed and my daddy calls the fits Sadie Marie throws a West fit. He also calls her Mutt, after my Uncle Mutt who wore a 24/7 scowl OR Lady Kent who was clearly not a pretty lady in her forever frown. It's funny, but lawd, I hope as we learn to use more and more words in 2013 that Sadie Marie will learn to TELL us what she wants as opposed to SCREAMING about it. :)
We had a fantastic Christmas in the SEL and here are some photos from our adventures.
This my Mamaw, 4 Generations on my Daddy's side.
Her Auntie Angie bought the cutest light up noses!!
These sweet babies and their awesome Dads.
Her first Christmas parade in Wetumpka, AL.
2012 Christmas Eve family portrait.
This was taken earlier for our Christmas Cards
She was chilling with her Big Daddy, she LOVE him.
Sweet cousins, so glad we got to catch up!
If there was one fight over this bicycle, there were 50. Again life full circle. Angie and I used to fight over toys. There was wrestling, hair pulling, but luckily no crying this year. Next year will be even more fun!!
Love y'all!!
April
Monday, July 23, 2012
Tales from OBA
I be missing the AL sometimes. Especially when it's Saturday afternoon, it's raining, and I have to sit in traffic for an hour and a half to go 15 miles down the road to run a few errands that should have taken 1.5 hours total. I HATE Virginia. Well I don't hate it but let's just say I'm on the outs with the ole girl right now. It's hot and congested and everyone is rude......still judging me? I will get to some more reason I miss Alabama/hate VA, later but first let's revisit our beach trip shall we?
We went to the beach for my birthday and good lawd it was fun and intense all at the same time. Being in a condo with eight other folks means you family. Being there with a one year old. Priceless. It was a good time though. Here are a few things that made me laugh.
After six hours in the car, four stops, and a diaper blowout we finally arrive at the SunSwept Condominium that will be our home for the next seven days. The baby daddy and I have arrived early as we have more shit than anyone else to unload. We get a cart for luggage and a Winn Dixie buggy (because that is what they had all lined up outside with notes on them asking you not to take them into your room.....OK WTF. I will take this damn cart back to VA with me if I want to. You stole it from the Winn Dixie across the street so don't be acting like you have the rights to it Sunswept. I will push all the buggies back over to Winn Dixie and then you will have to buy luggage carts. BOOM.) We kept a cart for about eight hours on principle.
The first sign that this was going to be fun was getting on the elevator of doom. First it was 100 degrees outside and a cool 1000 degrees inside the elevator with a humidity level of hot sick. Everything I had was stuck to something else and Sadie Marie was stuck to me. After the doors closed we waited for the thing to go up and I swear it felt like old man river was in a booth outside using the pulley system from National Treasure movie to lift us all to the 8th floor. I have been to the top of the Sears building in Chicago and I have NEVER been so scared in an elevator. We went past our floor (which was the top floor mind you) and then sank back down a little, then plopped to a stop at 8....which flickered to the number 12 and then settled on 8. I'm just wondering if there used to be 12 floors and we lost 4 to Ivan. I seriously considered taking the stairs the rest of the time but I'm lazy and I was on vacation. Death or stairs in 100 degree heat and humidity......I'll take death.
Now, after we arrived we had to decide which room we wanted because we be having the nugget and she's at the age where if you wake her up and she know's you are having fun without her you can forget it. She's getting up and she's going to be cranky. She wants to sleep but she does not want to miss anything. Y'all should have seen the baby daddy and I going up and down the stairs, in and out of rooms, yelling at one another to see where the quietest place for her to sleep was. In the end, we got the biggest room with the nice ass shower, jacuzzi tub, balcony, and roof access. You know what we used.....the shower and the toilet. Everytime we had a down moment where we could have enjoyed some of that shit, Sadie Marie was asleep in the room and in front of the door to the roof. So we all hung out on the beach or in the condo on the first floor. It was great, don't get me wrong, but shiv it would have been nice to take a jacuzzi bath.
So after we arrived, mom and dad pull in next. We are waiting on them and here comes dad knocking on the door out of breath. I think he's coming in but I hear the baby daddy go out so I just assumed he went to help unload.....it was only later that evening that I got the full story. Cunnie and John arrive at the beach here's how it went down:
Cunnie: We are on the 8th floor.
John: How do you get there, there's not button for eight.
Cunnie: I bet since we on the top floor and all special like, you have to get off this elevator on the 7th floor and get on another one to go to the top.
John: OK
They get off the elevator on the 7th floor and cannot find another elevator (because there is NOT one) and John runs up the stairs, knocks on the door and asks Theron how to get to the 8th floor. UM, you push the little button that says "8". You know.....it comes right after 7. Good Lawd......the freaking button in the elevator was old and the white paint on the number 8 was worn off.......clearly we are at a point where they are no longer allowed to travel alone. I can only imagine what hilarity would have ensued if Airhart had not been there to push the button for them. BAHAHAHAHAHA
We went to the FloraBama for my birthday which was great. I had not been in quite a few years and Juju had never been inside so we had a blast. I will say the quote of the evening goes to Clay Moore. "April Morton was a drinker, April Airhart, eh not so much." Challenge accepted Clay. I'm 32 years old and I have a baby. Of course I can still do shots till 4 AM, what mother can't? But, of course I am still a Morton and as I said....challenge accepted.
I proceeded to do shots, drink beers, and red bull and vodka like I was 21 and at spring break in 2001 and..... so did the baby daddy. He paid more dearly for it than I did because even if I don't party like it's 2001 and my last name is still Morton-Airhart, it's like riding a bike.......you don't ever forget. and I'm not dumb, I know I'm old so I took 2000 MG of tylenol before I went to bed and ate two pieces of bread. 60% of the time it works every time. (because you only remember to do it 60% of the time...your drunk remember.)
On to more fun times. Sadie Marie did two face plants......one on the beach and one on the tile floor. BOTH were tramautic for us at least. She was still just learning to walk and of course a little wobbly so we were all watching her like hawks but that did not stop the nugget from face planting directly in the sand. I poured ice cold water over her face to get the sand off before she could rub her eyes and Theron then ran her to the shower........why neither of us ran to the ocean is beyond me. A bazillion gallons of water 20 yards from us and I choose water straight out of the cooler to dump over my childs head and a 50 yard run to the shower. FAIL.
The rest of the time was pretty relaxing and uneventful. We are all getting old. All this being said, it was a REALLY nice condo......even the note from the owner asked us to take not of how nice her condo was. She let us know that personal reasons now required her to rent it out but we should be able to tell it was not a normal rental.....what kind of personal reasons? Did you lose all your money when your dog fighting ring got busted? Did some steal your identity and buy a bunch of shit on your visa? You are going to have to give me more than that if you want me to feel sorry for you. If she wanted me to think her condo was nice she should have left some TP in the bathrooms. That would have been nice. I guess the light up marlin statue on her end table or mabye the wall to wall mirror action in EVERY room was what she considered nicer than other rentals. I happen to like beachy beach condos just fine. Coral on coral suites the beach.
I will say the floors and furniture were super nice. There was enough furniture in the 900 SQ Ft downstairs area to furnish Buckingham Palace. The baby daddy immediately went into Army mode and moved everything to open it up. I had three foot stools in our closet stacked to the ceiling. Apparently this happens alot in this condo because my contract specifically said all furniture had to be moved back the way we found it. SHIT....did anyone take a picture?
She was lucky it was not me and my friends at 25 renting her condo, that note would have only fueled the drunken fire that might have lead to someone shooting fireworks out of her bedroom window or drawing all over her mirrors with car chalk.
So after returning from the beach I spent a fun filled week in the SEL working. I did spend a night with Reagan and Matt up in the Odenville where I had some squash that changed my life and then we also got to spend a night with Angie, Elsie and Gary in Wetumpka where we discovered baby pools can be fun for babies and adults when it's hot and you have cold beer. What's not fun is when your nugget discovers the tower of water spraying fun and when Uncle Gary goes to put you back in the baby pool he hesitates because he smells a rat.......or is it doodoo? Yeah, it's doodoo.
Baby pools are fun when you are in the pool and CiCi is not when a blowout occurs. She re-emerged 15 minutes later with a dry nugget and a beach towel. She was sweating and informed us all the towel needed to washed or burned.
Here are some beach pictures....if you saw them on facebook. Look at them again, they are good.
Well that's all I got for right now. Except for why I hate VA and miss Alabama.
I miss Alabama/Hate VA for a number of reasons.....here are my top 10
10. When you call a plumber in Alabama they don't charge you 80.00 just to come show you you need to open shut off the valves underneath the sink all the way. They laugh at you and get in their truck and leave.
9. When someone says it's hot in Alabama they mean you need to go get your shit out your car because it's going to melt.
8. HOA's do not exist and if they do they make sense. You don't pay a 1200.00/ year HOA fee and then have to pay to use all the shit your HOA fees pay for.....like the POOL. $125.00 for a family pool pass. WTF.
7. Folks be RUDE up here, it's every man for themselves, survival of the fittest. Good thing I'm in that group but jeez. Sometimes I just want folks to be nice and let me go first because I'm a girl.
6. Everything takes two hours. Go to the grocery store.....2 hours. Run to get gas.....2 hours. Take a poop.......2 hours. NOTHING is fast or easy. I feel like I'm moving when I take Sadie Marie out to go get diapers because I could very well have to spend the night in Target.
5. The beaches are WAY crowded. You think OBA was crowded for the 4th. You are wrong my friend. Everyone at OBA had a little piece of beach real estate....in fact we had two. One under the canopy and one down by the water. You can turn around at VA beach and be talking to somone in the party beside you without even knowing it.
4. Rush. Hour. Traffic. in northern VA will make you want to keel someone or yourself. Daily.
3. John Robert and Juju are probably leaving soon. BOOOOO but yay at the same time.
2. The nugget MUST have a southern accent and learn all our clever southern girl ways. Like how to clean a deer or how to pee on the side of a dirt road without getting your pants and shoes wet.
1. I really miss my family. I have traveled the world and sometimes there's no place like home.
Y'all be good!
April
We went to the beach for my birthday and good lawd it was fun and intense all at the same time. Being in a condo with eight other folks means you family. Being there with a one year old. Priceless. It was a good time though. Here are a few things that made me laugh.
After six hours in the car, four stops, and a diaper blowout we finally arrive at the SunSwept Condominium that will be our home for the next seven days. The baby daddy and I have arrived early as we have more shit than anyone else to unload. We get a cart for luggage and a Winn Dixie buggy (because that is what they had all lined up outside with notes on them asking you not to take them into your room.....OK WTF. I will take this damn cart back to VA with me if I want to. You stole it from the Winn Dixie across the street so don't be acting like you have the rights to it Sunswept. I will push all the buggies back over to Winn Dixie and then you will have to buy luggage carts. BOOM.) We kept a cart for about eight hours on principle.
The first sign that this was going to be fun was getting on the elevator of doom. First it was 100 degrees outside and a cool 1000 degrees inside the elevator with a humidity level of hot sick. Everything I had was stuck to something else and Sadie Marie was stuck to me. After the doors closed we waited for the thing to go up and I swear it felt like old man river was in a booth outside using the pulley system from National Treasure movie to lift us all to the 8th floor. I have been to the top of the Sears building in Chicago and I have NEVER been so scared in an elevator. We went past our floor (which was the top floor mind you) and then sank back down a little, then plopped to a stop at 8....which flickered to the number 12 and then settled on 8. I'm just wondering if there used to be 12 floors and we lost 4 to Ivan. I seriously considered taking the stairs the rest of the time but I'm lazy and I was on vacation. Death or stairs in 100 degree heat and humidity......I'll take death.
Now, after we arrived we had to decide which room we wanted because we be having the nugget and she's at the age where if you wake her up and she know's you are having fun without her you can forget it. She's getting up and she's going to be cranky. She wants to sleep but she does not want to miss anything. Y'all should have seen the baby daddy and I going up and down the stairs, in and out of rooms, yelling at one another to see where the quietest place for her to sleep was. In the end, we got the biggest room with the nice ass shower, jacuzzi tub, balcony, and roof access. You know what we used.....the shower and the toilet. Everytime we had a down moment where we could have enjoyed some of that shit, Sadie Marie was asleep in the room and in front of the door to the roof. So we all hung out on the beach or in the condo on the first floor. It was great, don't get me wrong, but shiv it would have been nice to take a jacuzzi bath.
So after we arrived, mom and dad pull in next. We are waiting on them and here comes dad knocking on the door out of breath. I think he's coming in but I hear the baby daddy go out so I just assumed he went to help unload.....it was only later that evening that I got the full story. Cunnie and John arrive at the beach here's how it went down:
Cunnie: We are on the 8th floor.
John: How do you get there, there's not button for eight.
Cunnie: I bet since we on the top floor and all special like, you have to get off this elevator on the 7th floor and get on another one to go to the top.
John: OK
They get off the elevator on the 7th floor and cannot find another elevator (because there is NOT one) and John runs up the stairs, knocks on the door and asks Theron how to get to the 8th floor. UM, you push the little button that says "8". You know.....it comes right after 7. Good Lawd......the freaking button in the elevator was old and the white paint on the number 8 was worn off.......clearly we are at a point where they are no longer allowed to travel alone. I can only imagine what hilarity would have ensued if Airhart had not been there to push the button for them. BAHAHAHAHAHA
We went to the FloraBama for my birthday which was great. I had not been in quite a few years and Juju had never been inside so we had a blast. I will say the quote of the evening goes to Clay Moore. "April Morton was a drinker, April Airhart, eh not so much." Challenge accepted Clay. I'm 32 years old and I have a baby. Of course I can still do shots till 4 AM, what mother can't? But, of course I am still a Morton and as I said....challenge accepted.
I proceeded to do shots, drink beers, and red bull and vodka like I was 21 and at spring break in 2001 and..... so did the baby daddy. He paid more dearly for it than I did because even if I don't party like it's 2001 and my last name is still Morton-Airhart, it's like riding a bike.......you don't ever forget. and I'm not dumb, I know I'm old so I took 2000 MG of tylenol before I went to bed and ate two pieces of bread. 60% of the time it works every time. (because you only remember to do it 60% of the time...your drunk remember.)
On to more fun times. Sadie Marie did two face plants......one on the beach and one on the tile floor. BOTH were tramautic for us at least. She was still just learning to walk and of course a little wobbly so we were all watching her like hawks but that did not stop the nugget from face planting directly in the sand. I poured ice cold water over her face to get the sand off before she could rub her eyes and Theron then ran her to the shower........why neither of us ran to the ocean is beyond me. A bazillion gallons of water 20 yards from us and I choose water straight out of the cooler to dump over my childs head and a 50 yard run to the shower. FAIL.
The rest of the time was pretty relaxing and uneventful. We are all getting old. All this being said, it was a REALLY nice condo......even the note from the owner asked us to take not of how nice her condo was. She let us know that personal reasons now required her to rent it out but we should be able to tell it was not a normal rental.....what kind of personal reasons? Did you lose all your money when your dog fighting ring got busted? Did some steal your identity and buy a bunch of shit on your visa? You are going to have to give me more than that if you want me to feel sorry for you. If she wanted me to think her condo was nice she should have left some TP in the bathrooms. That would have been nice. I guess the light up marlin statue on her end table or mabye the wall to wall mirror action in EVERY room was what she considered nicer than other rentals. I happen to like beachy beach condos just fine. Coral on coral suites the beach.
I will say the floors and furniture were super nice. There was enough furniture in the 900 SQ Ft downstairs area to furnish Buckingham Palace. The baby daddy immediately went into Army mode and moved everything to open it up. I had three foot stools in our closet stacked to the ceiling. Apparently this happens alot in this condo because my contract specifically said all furniture had to be moved back the way we found it. SHIT....did anyone take a picture?
She was lucky it was not me and my friends at 25 renting her condo, that note would have only fueled the drunken fire that might have lead to someone shooting fireworks out of her bedroom window or drawing all over her mirrors with car chalk.
So after returning from the beach I spent a fun filled week in the SEL working. I did spend a night with Reagan and Matt up in the Odenville where I had some squash that changed my life and then we also got to spend a night with Angie, Elsie and Gary in Wetumpka where we discovered baby pools can be fun for babies and adults when it's hot and you have cold beer. What's not fun is when your nugget discovers the tower of water spraying fun and when Uncle Gary goes to put you back in the baby pool he hesitates because he smells a rat.......or is it doodoo? Yeah, it's doodoo.
Baby pools are fun when you are in the pool and CiCi is not when a blowout occurs. She re-emerged 15 minutes later with a dry nugget and a beach towel. She was sweating and informed us all the towel needed to washed or burned.
Here are some beach pictures....if you saw them on facebook. Look at them again, they are good.
I miss Alabama/Hate VA for a number of reasons.....here are my top 10
10. When you call a plumber in Alabama they don't charge you 80.00 just to come show you you need to open shut off the valves underneath the sink all the way. They laugh at you and get in their truck and leave.
9. When someone says it's hot in Alabama they mean you need to go get your shit out your car because it's going to melt.
8. HOA's do not exist and if they do they make sense. You don't pay a 1200.00/ year HOA fee and then have to pay to use all the shit your HOA fees pay for.....like the POOL. $125.00 for a family pool pass. WTF.
7. Folks be RUDE up here, it's every man for themselves, survival of the fittest. Good thing I'm in that group but jeez. Sometimes I just want folks to be nice and let me go first because I'm a girl.
6. Everything takes two hours. Go to the grocery store.....2 hours. Run to get gas.....2 hours. Take a poop.......2 hours. NOTHING is fast or easy. I feel like I'm moving when I take Sadie Marie out to go get diapers because I could very well have to spend the night in Target.
5. The beaches are WAY crowded. You think OBA was crowded for the 4th. You are wrong my friend. Everyone at OBA had a little piece of beach real estate....in fact we had two. One under the canopy and one down by the water. You can turn around at VA beach and be talking to somone in the party beside you without even knowing it.
4. Rush. Hour. Traffic. in northern VA will make you want to keel someone or yourself. Daily.
3. John Robert and Juju are probably leaving soon. BOOOOO but yay at the same time.
2. The nugget MUST have a southern accent and learn all our clever southern girl ways. Like how to clean a deer or how to pee on the side of a dirt road without getting your pants and shoes wet.
1. I really miss my family. I have traveled the world and sometimes there's no place like home.
Y'all be good!
April
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Beach Bound and Down
LAWD! With a capital AWD its been a while. I have been so busy with work I was off the grid for a while! Now that commencement is over I can get back to life in general and get that shit back together because it was slowly unraveling! I mean I literally almost let our car insurance lapse due because I was too busy to freaking realize the bill had not been paid! What is that saying: "When one thing is your life is going fantastic, get ready for another to go to shit." We were almost there but we have come through the tunnel to the other side and made it to BAMA for our beach trip! I'm so excited I'm up at 5 AM with nothing to do so I thought this would be a perfect time to update my blog.
So let me start with a few updates. Sadie Marie is now 13 months olds and is running, jumping, and pitching fits all over the place! She can throw a West fit like nobody's business. (West fit is what my daddy call them because his side of the family is famous for them!) She's also been in Alabama for a month with my mom so I could focus on work and she be RURNT. Rurnt is like ruined with a URNT on the end. She is spoiled to all get out and I already warned her sitter in VA that she is going to have her hands full! I missed the little nugget like crazy though and fits and all she cracks me up. I love her so much I doubt I ever let her leave me again regardless of how busy I am at work! Here are some new pictures of the nugget.
My bestie Reagan and her hubby Matt came to stay in VA for a week for Sadie Marie's birthday party and then to do some sightseeing in the big city. They did a few things on their own while I was working during the week but on Saturday I took them into D.C. and we did the tourist thing. The baby daddy was sick so he stayed home and those two poor souls trusted me to navigate the District. I'm proud to say I did fantastically. I did not get lost and we saw ERRYTHANG! We started at the Holocaust Museum, then hit the National Mall for the Washington Monument, the WWII Memorial, the reflecting pool, the Lincoln Memorial, the Korean Memorial, and the Vietnam Memorial. THEN, we headed over to the Daughters of the American Revolution Constitution Hall, the American Red Cross, the White House and then lunch with Obama. BAHAHAHAH
I'm kidding. Even if I could I don't think he and I would have much to talk about over lunch and I'm sure my smart ass mouth would offend Michelle's prim self.
We then walked down to China Town, to the Verizon Center, over to the Museum of Natural History, and finally the Archives. BOOM. D.C. in a Day courtesy of April Airhart. Here are some pictures:
So let me start with a few updates. Sadie Marie is now 13 months olds and is running, jumping, and pitching fits all over the place! She can throw a West fit like nobody's business. (West fit is what my daddy call them because his side of the family is famous for them!) She's also been in Alabama for a month with my mom so I could focus on work and she be RURNT. Rurnt is like ruined with a URNT on the end. She is spoiled to all get out and I already warned her sitter in VA that she is going to have her hands full! I missed the little nugget like crazy though and fits and all she cracks me up. I love her so much I doubt I ever let her leave me again regardless of how busy I am at work! Here are some new pictures of the nugget.
If you're think we look fantastic in this photo it's because we do. She totally airbrushed them! I am not that tan!
The nuggster LOVES a balloon and Auntie Juju of course!
I'm kidding. Even if I could I don't think he and I would have much to talk about over lunch and I'm sure my smart ass mouth would offend Michelle's prim self.
We then walked down to China Town, to the Verizon Center, over to the Museum of Natural History, and finally the Archives. BOOM. D.C. in a Day courtesy of April Airhart. Here are some pictures:
We got real dressed up. It was hot don't be judgey!
So after Reagan left it was time to shift to commencement mode for real, the next week I literally worked from the time I woke up, until the time I went to bed every day and I got to do it from the Gaylord National Hotel in National Harbor, MD. It was great but exhausting. The Gaylord is a convention center and its HUGE. I walked more than 5 miles around that place on Thursday and Friday just working!! It literally took me a full blown week to recover from that crap! I have no idea how the pregnant peeps I work with did it!
So after all this excitement the week after commencement was terribly quiet. I missed the nugget so much and I was just antsy to get back to her. In an attempt to keep busy and pass the time, I got my ass in gear and finally finished her year one photo album, her baby book, AND TADA!!!! I finished decorating her room. I know right, I'm so awesome it only took me 9 months and one year to do it! Our theme: OWLS! I didn't really want or have a theme at first but I'm hooked on owls. All the patterns are so cute so I ordered a owl light switch cover, and did some other artsy stuff to make her room complete. Here's my craft of the week......wait for it........
Owl book ends. Here's what you do:
Buy two ceramic owls you can paint yourself for 3 bucks.
Paint the owls.
Realize the owls don't weigh enough to be bookends.
Rack your brain for a solution.
Realize putting sand in them won't work since you have no way to plug their butts.
Decide batteries are heavy and will just fit through the hole on the bottom.
Realize even full of batteries they still aren't heavy enough
Pout for 45 minutes
Try to get the batteries out
EPICALLY FAIL.
Lose about 30 bucks in batteries to owl butts
Decide to try to find some wooden book ends to attach them too
Decide to do it later
Don't finish the project.
Leave the owls in their place on top of the bookshelf and pretend they work
DONE.
That was not so hard was it?
JEEZ. I was so pissed. I spent an entire afternoon painting them, realizing they were not heavy enough, and deciding batteries were the way to go only to be thwarted by all of Sadie Marie's books who are CLEARLY smater than I. Awesomeness. It's OK, I have a solution I just need to get motivated again to finish it! Luckily I was just discouraged enough to quit for a while and resume my project the next weekend but we got a little tipsy for a friends birthday after a full blown tourist day in Old Town Alexandria so I got out of the project for the time being. I will finish when I get home from the beach and I'm fully ready to take this crap back on. I will kick some ceramic owl ass mark my words.
So we've been in Selma since Wednesday and I cannot WAIT to get to the beach. It will be the nuggets first trip, my first trip with a baby, and our first trip as a family since I can't even remember. The entire fam is going and now I'm hoping I can persuade them to leave earlier rather than later since I have been up since 5 AM. I'm thinking a 9 AM departure is a good time to leave. Hopefully the nugg will sleep most of the way as she has become quite annoyed with her carseat.
I'm not supposed to turn her around to face forward until she's two. WTF. Don't they be knowing kids are curious!?! Especially my child, she's nosy as all get out! She about breaks her neck trying to look out the window! I do not love that rule and have contemplated breaking it since she is 30 inches tall but Airhart won't have it. He so protective but it's sweet so I just let it ride. I'm trying to learn to do that more and not be such a stickler for things to go my way (the right way of course) so let's see how the beach trip goes. I will let y'all know if I need a vacation after we get back!
Love y'all!
A
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