Hello from TEXAS!

So for those of you who don't know, I have been out of town at a conference since Sunday, which means the baby daddy has been home alone.....with Sadie Marie......for 5 days. AHHHHHHHHHH. I know what you are all thinking, WTF April WTF. Keep in mind I had this trip scheduled before Sadie Marie was even born so it's not like I sprung it on him last week. So in my preparations to get him ready to care for our daughter all alone, I made a schedule for him to follow which started out like this:

Morning Routine: When she wakes up, change her diaper.

I know, I know right, I'm treating my poor husband like he's retarded but honestly I know him and if I don't write it down it will be my fault if it does not get done and trust me, this first line was necessary.

So on went my schedule of explaining what I do everyday as I get her ready for daycare, or what to do on the only day he actually had to keep her all day, and what to do when he got home with her in the evenings. Typing all this out for him and writing it here now kinda makes it sound like he has no idea how to care for Sadie Marie, which couldn't be further from the truth, but again in an attempt to have things done my way while I was gone, I wrote everything in painstaking detail and here's how much good it did.

First let me set the scene for you: I'm in my hotel room and my co-worker is in my room waiting with me to leave for our last session yesterday.......She hears this entire conversation and is cracking up by the time we are done.

Here's our conversation:

Me: What are you doing, where are you?

Him: I'm going to Babies R Us.

Me: WHY? Where is Sadie Marie?

Him: She's in the car with me, she's sleeping. I'm going to get level three nipples for our bottles. We have needed them for a while now. I have to go to Babies R Us because Target no longer carries Born Free bottles or nipples, Wal-Mart does not have them and when I first called Babies R Us, they told me they were out, but then they found them so was going home, but I turned around. I wasted like 15 mintues doing that.

Me: Oh sweet baby Jesus. What brought on this decision?

Him: Well, she has been annoyed with the bottles and gets tired of sucking and so Susan (our sitter) suggested we move her up to level three.

Me: Oh OK, so here's why you didn't need to go today. Number 1: it's not that serious. I'm still breastfeeding and the level of milk flow does not change there. She's just lazy and it could have waited until this weekend. Number two: you have to sterilze those before you can use them. Number three: You may have created a monster for yourself tonight if she's going to get a good hour of sleep at 7 PM and her bedtime is 8. Number four: this was NOT in the schedule.

Him: Oh I know I have to sterilize them....so how do I do that?

Me:.......SHIV.

So, as you can see it did me a lot of good to type, color coat, and go to Kinkos to print a 4 page schedule for him to follow.

Luckily for him, Sadie Marie is apparently much kinder than her mother because she still went to sleep for him with no crying last night. Evil child, she is making it so easy for him he actually asked me what I thought was so hard.......I think he might actually be considering adding a second baby to the mix after these EASY five days he has had.

For those of you who did not see the picture, above is my child at day care. She has a cheerio on her forehead. AWESOME. If her cheeks get any fatter we are going to have to build her a new door so she can fit through. I swear she has to have about 50 cheerios stuffed in there and can we also talk about her little fat fingers for just a minute. They look like vienna sausages. I LOVE it. I cannot wait to use THIS picture when she starts dating, which will be when she turns 21. Maybe longer if the baby daddy has any say.

So while I have been away I have been pumping my brains out in an attempt to continue my mission to breastfeed feed for a year and all I can say is WTF. I have been getting more pumped out while in TX a good 1500 miles from my child than I do when I'm home and she's two miles up the street at daycare. I took everything I had to pour all this milk out while I have been there and I went back and forth on whether to ship it home or not but decided that since I had a big enough stock pile at home to feed a small tribe of children for a year I should just get over it and save myself the trouble and pour it out. I'm sure all the cleaning ladies are like WTF is all this shit and why has this lady been washing bottles in her hotel room sink with her shampoo?

I mean are you kidding me, the stuff below was from a 5 minute pumping session at 4 PM yesterday when I usually only get about 3 ounces by that time of the afternoon. SEVEN ounces. SEVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!! Are you kidding me. I should be selling this stuff, although this batch is probably riddled with alcohol. One good thing about the NAACO conference, they assure you have plenty of booze each night to get you through these neverending days of educational event planning sessions.

Y'all like my little set up, my drying rack is freaking wash cloth. I clearly did not think this through and yep that's my brush hanging out on my drying rack. I guess it's a good thing I didn't want to ship this home. WTF.

So as I get ready for my final day of constant pumping, I'm kinda nervous to go home and have to start feeding Sadie Marie again. She's going to be like, "Are you kidding me? Where is that plastic nipple that squirts this shit down my throat so fast I almost choke. Stupid level three nipples. I told the baby daddy if he made this harder for me I was going to KEEL him. His heart was in the right place but SHIV.

So I must depart for now, I have a little more conference jazz left in me for today with our final educational session and the closing and then we have the rest of the day off. I think I will walk around the UT campus, which is directly across the street from my hotel, in my Alabama National Championship shirt from 2009 and see if I can get some reaction from the UT kiddos. I was almost stoned to death last night at the bar, but then we had some good banter about what a sissy Colt McCoy was, so I think they are still scarred. We shall see!

Love y'all!

Sadie Marie is EIGHT Months Old!

April