Adventures in Airhartland: Having a Baby Makes You Stupid

So as I'm sure most of you know I was in the SEL the past week and a half and it was fabulous! I started this adventure with a trip to the airport and an airplane ride with Sadie Marie in tow all by myself! I have much to tell over the past week, and I want to start at the beginning but before I do, let me tell you why having a baby makes you stupid and what I am basing my diagnosis on.

1. Now that I have a baby, I can't remember shit. Even if I write it down I sometimes forget I have a list and thus I still forget shit at the grocery store or when I'm running errands.
2. My life now revolves around feeding, pumping, and just mothering in general.

Here is the supporting documentation,
In the last week I have:
1. Locked myself out of my mother's car, at a gas station, in Selma, AL, at 9 PM at night. THEN have to call my 83 year old grandmother to come bring me the extra key. Lib showed up with her boyfriend Buford. I was dressed as a giant woopie cushion since I was on my way to a Halloween party. I got a lecture about being out after dark in Selma, and THEN she told my mom I was wrapped in a pink blanket. AWESOME.
2. The baby daddy has to travel in November. I spent 500 bucks on tickets to the Cowboys/Redskins game. He asked me if he could travel and be back on Nov 20.....I said sure. On our way to Bham the other day I realized the game was Nov 20. Awesome. He now has to change his travel.
3. I pumped about 30 bags of breastmilk and put them in the deep freeze to have when I'm here. I left the effing door open the other day and did not venture back out there until a day and a half later. Not only was ALL my breastmilk spoiled but so was ALL the food in the deep freeze. AWESOME.
3. I came to Selma for Reagan's wedding and Jules' shower. I forgot to bring a dress to wear to the shower. AWESOME. And PS.....mom does not know that yet.
4. I had no idea I was the matron of honor in my best friends wedding until we were at the rehearsal dinner. Good thing I planned the bachelorette party huh? Sheesh. I agreed to it and CLEARLY was not paying attention.
4. I'm also sure there are a few other things I have of course forgotten........

Having a baby makes you or at least ME..........STU-PID.

Let's move on.......I will start from the beginning of the trip. I can't make this shit up.

Traffic in Northern VA is a BIATCH! We left for the airport (that is 60 miles away) at 10 AM and we arrived at 12 noon. Perfect at least I was smart enough to know that shit was gonna be jacked up even in the middle of the freaking day. Don't folks be working?!? Guess not, they were all on the road with me having wrecks and causing congestion. Anyway, we arrived at the airport via the Gilbert Express (Thanks Michelle for taking us!!) and it was official. I was attempting to take Sadie Marie on her first plane ride ALL ALONE. The baby daddy had to work until the next Thursday so it was do or die. I remember to put on my big girl panties that morning so we took a picture and captured the moment.

I purchased a used stroller just for this occassion because them folks be throwing your shit around under the plane and I was not interested in them tearing up my 200 dollar stroller so this one was perfect. I didn't worry about it getting roughed up and it let all the way back so she could sleep (wishful thinking). We strapped her in and headed for the terminal. Checking in was pretty easy. I drove the stroller with one and and pulled my bag with the other. I remembered Sadie M's birth certificate and we were on our way to security. I know folks be cringing when they see a stroller and packed full of this in the security line and I must say I was slow as molasses but I have a new found respect for folks who travel with kids. It SUCKS. I was scared to take my eyes off Sadie M, so luckily a nice gentleman behind me (who I'm sure was in a hurry) helped me get the stroller through security. I was trying to explain to them I had breastmilk and homemade baby food.......I totally got the brushoff......"They know what it is, they see it all the time". Great I also had some ice, anthrax, and drano in there. They did not even open my cooler!! I was pleased it was quick and worried it was quick all at the same time. Thank goodness I'm not a terrorist......if they every catch on that babies get special treatment, they gonna be recruiting toddlers.

I got through security and went to the "family restroom" to change her diaper. I have no idea what made this bathroom "family" but they didn't even have a freaking changing table......really?!? It was big enough for me to fit my whole family but I had to lay the stroller back and change her in there. Awesome. At least she didn't pee on me. So then on to McDonalds for a bit to eat and Sadie M watched the planes out the window while I ate. Then I fed her some pumpkin and squash (cold mind you) and we got on the plane. Now you KNOW these two folks probably wanted to exit the plane when I squeezed in between them but I didn't care I wanted to be close to the front of the plane. We said our pleasantries and I settled in with a VERY awake baby.

I started rocking......rocking.....rocking....and BOOM. She was asleep before we took off and slept the first hour of the flight while I chatted about Bama football. She woke up for about 30 minutes, realized I was still sitting next to the dude with a unibrow, and after she started at him for 15 minutes she was back out all the way until we touched down!! I could not believe it. It could not have gone better if I had given her benedryl! She got a littl fussy waiting for our luggage but hey, I was fussy by then too!

Of course Bush Hog had family fun day that next Saturday and Cunnie wanted to show off Sadie Marie so we packed our shit up and went. Angie brought Elsie and it was a family affair. Sadie Marie got drug all over the place and rode the train. Now Elsie LOVED the train, but some old MAN made Elsie wait because it could only hold so much weight. WHO DOES THAT. Only in Selma Alabama.

On to more adventures in the SEL. So we are eating all kinds of solids now, to include some cake icing via Michelle McKey yesterday at Reagan's wedding! Well with the intro of solids comes bigger and stinker poops. Now I don't know how many of y'all have actually watched another human being poop, but I was not a member of that club until about Tuesday this past week. I don't mean watching someone poop on a toilet either.

Last week I was changing a small poopy diaper and then it just started coming out like a snake. It was the most disgusting thing I have even seen or smelt. Sweet potatoes and pumpkin do not smell good on the other end of a 5 month old. Sadie M had both feet in her hands and was squealing with delight, she had clearly been working this poop up and was just waiting to release it on her loving mother....I then thought she was done waited a few seconds, put a new diaper under her, and BOOM more doodoo. It was the biggest dump I have ever seen from a baby. I bet it weighed as much as she did. She also did the same thing to my mom later that week. Then she went three days without pooping. On the way home she blew her diaper up like those huggies babies do to the whomp there it is song and I immediately stuck my finger in it when removing the diaper.......it was coming out the top and I was clearly not prepared for that in the starbucks parking lot that was doubling as a family restroom.

I went to Birmingham for Reagan's wedding on Friday night and had a blast. If y'all want to take pictures and get shit done, just give Kevin McKey a fart machine. We tried to take a picture of the bridesmaids for about an hour. Between the little bit of booze we had and that fart machine I almost peed in my pants.....twice. The next day was good, bridezilla showed up and I almost had to break my matron of honor heel off in one of the caterer's asses, but we got Meagan married off and ate a caramel apple. YUM. Sadie Marie also got her first taste of wedding cake. (Thanks Michelle M!) WE took photos for what seemed like 15 hours and I almost busted my ass falling off a hay bale taking said pictures.

It was fun though, we survived and luckily we had Cunnie, Lib, and the baby daddy in tow to help with Sadie M. Yep, it takes all 4 of us to take care of her. Y'all probably wonder how I do it when I'm home alone, well your guess is as good as mine.......I guess it's because I have Auntie JuJu and Uncle John Rob and the baby daddy in VA. Yep, it takes all 4 of us to take care of her in VA. SHIV........I need a nanny.

Anyway, we then we to Auntie JuJu's shower and we took Sadie M and Angie is brought my little cousin Elsie. We took some good pictures of Sadie M in her Halloween Costume and then we took her 5 month pictures. Here they are!