Tales from OBA

I be missing the AL sometimes. Especially when it's Saturday afternoon, it's raining, and I have to sit in traffic for an hour and a half to go 15 miles down the road to run a few errands that should have taken 1.5 hours total. I HATE Virginia. Well I don't hate it but let's just say I'm on the outs with the ole girl right now. It's hot and congested and everyone is rude......still judging me? I will get to some more reason I miss Alabama/hate VA, later but first let's revisit our beach trip shall we?

We went to the beach for my birthday and good lawd it was fun and intense all at the same time. Being in a condo with eight other folks means you family. Being there with a one year old. Priceless. It was a good time though. Here are a few things that made me laugh.

After six hours in the car, four stops, and a diaper blowout we finally arrive at the SunSwept Condominium that will be our home for the next seven days. The baby daddy and I have arrived early as we have more shit than anyone else to unload. We get a cart for luggage and a Winn Dixie buggy (because that is what they had all lined up outside with notes on them asking you not to take them into your room.....OK WTF. I will take this damn cart back to VA with me if I want to. You stole it from the Winn Dixie across the street so don't be acting like you have the rights to it Sunswept. I will push all the buggies back over to Winn Dixie and then you will have to buy luggage carts. BOOM.) We kept a cart for about eight hours on principle.

The first sign that this was going to be fun was getting on the elevator of doom. First it was 100 degrees outside and a cool 1000 degrees inside the elevator with a humidity level of hot sick. Everything I had was stuck to something else and Sadie Marie was stuck to me. After the doors closed we waited for the thing to go up and I swear it felt like old man river was in a booth outside using the pulley system from National Treasure movie to lift us all to the 8th floor. I have been to the top of the Sears building in Chicago and I have NEVER been so scared in an elevator. We went past our floor (which was the top floor mind you) and then sank back down a little, then plopped to a stop at 8....which flickered to the number 12 and then settled on 8. I'm just wondering if there used to be 12 floors and we lost 4 to Ivan. I seriously considered taking the stairs the rest of the time but I'm lazy and I was on vacation. Death or stairs in 100 degree heat and humidity......I'll take death.

Now, after we arrived we had to decide which room we wanted because we be having the nugget and she's at the age where if you wake her up and she know's you are having fun without her you can forget it. She's getting up and she's going to be cranky. She wants to sleep but she does not want to miss anything. Y'all should have seen the baby daddy and I going up and down the stairs, in and out of rooms, yelling at one another to see where the quietest place for her to sleep was. In the end, we got the biggest room with the nice ass shower,  jacuzzi tub, balcony, and roof access. You know what we used.....the shower and the toilet. Everytime we had a down moment where we could have enjoyed some of that shit, Sadie Marie was asleep in the room and in front of the door to the roof. So we all hung out on the beach or in the condo on the first floor. It was great, don't get me wrong, but shiv it would have been nice to take a jacuzzi bath.

So after we arrived, mom and dad pull in next. We are waiting on them and here comes dad knocking on the door out of breath. I think he's coming in but I hear the baby daddy go out so I just assumed he went to help unload.....it was only later that evening that I got the full story. Cunnie and John arrive at the beach here's how it went down:

Cunnie: We are on the 8th floor.
John: How do you get there, there's not button for eight.
Cunnie: I bet since we on the top floor and all special like, you have to get off this elevator  on the 7th floor and get on another one to go to the top.
John: OK

They get off the elevator on the 7th floor and cannot find another elevator (because there is NOT one) and John runs up the stairs, knocks on the door and asks Theron how to get to the 8th floor. UM, you push the little button that says "8". You know.....it comes right after 7. Good Lawd......the freaking button in the elevator was old and the white paint on the number 8 was worn off.......clearly we are at a point where they are no longer allowed to travel alone. I can only imagine what hilarity would have ensued if Airhart had not been there to push the button for them. BAHAHAHAHAHA

We went to the FloraBama for my birthday which was great. I had not been in quite a few years and Juju had never been inside so we had a blast. I will say the quote of the evening goes to Clay Moore. "April Morton was a drinker, April Airhart, eh not so much." Challenge accepted Clay. I'm 32 years old and I have a baby. Of course I can still do shots till 4 AM, what mother can't? But, of course I am still a Morton and as I said....challenge accepted.
I proceeded to do shots, drink beers, and red bull and vodka like I was 21 and at spring break in 2001 and..... so did the baby daddy. He paid more dearly for it than I did because even if I don't party like it's 2001 and my last name is still Morton-Airhart, it's like riding a bike.......you don't ever forget. and I'm not dumb, I know I'm old so I took 2000 MG of tylenol before I went to bed and ate two pieces of bread. 60% of the time it works every time. (because you only remember to do it 60% of the time...your drunk remember.)

On to more fun times.  Sadie Marie did two face plants......one on the beach and one on the tile floor. BOTH were tramautic for us at least. She was still just learning to walk and of course a little wobbly so we were all watching her like hawks but that did not stop the nugget from face planting directly in the sand. I poured ice cold water over her face to get the sand off before she could rub her eyes and Theron then ran her to the shower........why neither of us ran to the ocean is beyond me. A bazillion gallons of water 20 yards from us and I choose water straight out of the cooler to dump over my childs head and a 50 yard run to the shower. FAIL.

The rest of the time was pretty relaxing and uneventful. We are all getting old. All this being said, it was a REALLY nice condo......even the note from the owner asked us to take not of how nice her condo was. She let us know that personal reasons now required her to rent it out but we should be able to tell it was not a normal rental.....what kind of personal reasons? Did you lose all your money when your dog fighting ring got busted? Did some steal your identity and buy a bunch of shit on your visa? You are going to have to give me more than that if you want me to feel sorry for you. If she wanted me to think her condo was nice she should have left some TP in the bathrooms. That would have been nice. I guess the light up marlin statue on her end table or mabye the wall to wall mirror action in EVERY room was what she considered nicer than other rentals. I happen to like beachy beach condos just fine. Coral on coral suites the beach.

I will say the floors and furniture were super nice. There was enough furniture in the 900 SQ Ft downstairs area to furnish Buckingham Palace. The baby daddy immediately went into Army mode and moved everything to open it up. I had three foot stools in our closet stacked to the ceiling. Apparently this happens alot in this condo because my contract specifically said all furniture had to be moved back the way we found it. SHIT....did anyone take a picture?

She was lucky it was not me and my friends at 25 renting her condo, that note would have only fueled the drunken fire that might have lead to someone shooting fireworks out of her bedroom window or drawing all over her mirrors with car chalk.

So after returning from the beach I spent a fun filled week in the SEL working. I did spend a night with Reagan and Matt up in the Odenville where I had some squash that changed my life and then we also got to spend a night with Angie, Elsie and Gary in Wetumpka where we discovered baby pools can be fun for babies and adults when it's hot and you have cold beer. What's not fun is when your nugget discovers the tower of water spraying fun and when Uncle Gary goes to put you back in the baby pool he hesitates because he smells a rat.......or is it doodoo? Yeah, it's doodoo.

Baby pools are fun when you are in the pool and CiCi is not when a blowout occurs. She re-emerged 15 minutes later with a dry nugget and a beach towel. She was sweating and informed us all the towel needed to washed or burned.

Here are some beach pictures....if you saw them on facebook. Look at them again, they are good.

Well that's all I got for right now. Except for why I hate VA and miss Alabama.

I miss Alabama/Hate VA for a number of reasons.....here are my top 10

10. When you call a plumber in Alabama they don't charge you 80.00 just to come show you you need to open shut off the valves underneath the sink all the way. They laugh at you and get in their truck and leave.
9. When someone says it's hot in Alabama they mean you need to go get your shit out your car because it's going to melt.
8. HOA's do not exist and if they do they make sense. You don't pay a 1200.00/ year HOA fee and then have to pay to use all the shit your HOA fees pay for.....like the POOL. $125.00 for a family pool pass. WTF.
7. Folks be RUDE up here, it's every man for themselves, survival of the fittest. Good thing I'm in that group but jeez. Sometimes I just want folks to be nice and let me go first because I'm a girl.
6. Everything takes two hours. Go to the grocery store.....2 hours. Run to get gas.....2 hours. Take a poop.......2 hours. NOTHING is fast or easy. I feel like I'm moving when I take Sadie Marie out to go get diapers because I could very well have to spend the night in Target.
5. The beaches are WAY crowded. You think OBA was crowded for the 4th. You are wrong my friend. Everyone at OBA had a little piece of beach real estate....in fact we had two. One under the canopy and one down by the water. You can turn around at VA beach and be talking to somone in the party beside you without even knowing it.
4. Rush. Hour. Traffic. in northern VA will make you want to keel someone or yourself. Daily.
3. John Robert and Juju are probably leaving soon. BOOOOO but yay at the same time.
2. The nugget MUST have a southern accent and learn all our clever southern girl ways. Like how to clean a deer or how to pee on the side of a dirt road without getting your pants and shoes wet.
1. I really miss my family. I have traveled the world and sometimes there's no place like home.

Y'all be good!

April

Beach Bound and Down

LAWD! With a capital AWD its been a while. I have been so busy with work I was off the grid for a while! Now that commencement is over I can get back to life in general and get that shit back together because it was slowly unraveling! I mean I literally almost let our car insurance lapse due because I was too busy to freaking realize the bill had not been paid! What is that saying: "When one thing is your life is going fantastic, get ready for another to go to shit." We were almost there but we have come through the tunnel to the other side and made it to BAMA for our beach trip! I'm so excited I'm up at 5 AM with nothing to do so I thought this would be a perfect time to update my blog.

So let me start with a few updates. Sadie Marie is now 13 months olds and is running, jumping, and pitching fits all over the place! She can throw a West fit like nobody's business. (West fit is what my daddy call them because his side of the family is famous for them!) She's also been in Alabama for a month with my mom so I could focus on work and she be RURNT. Rurnt is like ruined with a URNT on the end. She is spoiled to all get out and I already warned her sitter in VA that she is going to have her hands full! I missed the little nugget like crazy though and fits and all she cracks me up. I love her so much I doubt I ever let her leave me again regardless of how busy I am at work! Here are some new pictures of the nugget.

If you're think we look fantastic in this photo it's because we do. She totally airbrushed them! I am not that tan!

The nuggster LOVES a balloon and Auntie Juju of course!

My bestie Reagan and her hubby Matt came to stay in VA for a week for Sadie Marie's birthday party and then to do some sightseeing in the big city. They did a few things on their own while I was working during the week but on Saturday I took them into D.C. and we did the tourist thing. The baby daddy was sick so he stayed home and those two poor souls trusted me to navigate the District. I'm proud to say I did fantastically. I did not get lost and we saw ERRYTHANG! We started at the Holocaust Museum, then hit the National Mall for the Washington Monument, the WWII Memorial, the reflecting pool, the Lincoln Memorial, the Korean Memorial, and the Vietnam Memorial. THEN, we headed over to the Daughters of the American Revolution Constitution Hall, the American Red Cross, the White House and then lunch with Obama. BAHAHAHAH

I'm kidding. Even if I could I don't think he and I would have much to talk about over lunch and I'm sure my smart ass mouth would offend Michelle's prim self.

We then walked down to China Town, to the Verizon Center, over to the Museum of Natural History, and finally the Archives. BOOM. D.C. in a Day courtesy of April Airhart. Here are some pictures:

We got real dressed up. It was hot don't be judgey!

So after Reagan left it was time to shift to commencement mode for real, the next week I literally worked from the time I woke up, until the time I went to bed every day and I got to do it from the Gaylord National Hotel in National Harbor, MD. It was great but exhausting. The Gaylord is a convention center and its HUGE. I walked more than 5 miles around that place on Thursday and Friday just working!! It literally took me a full blown week to recover from that crap! I have no idea how the pregnant peeps I work with did it!

So after all this excitement the week after commencement was terribly quiet. I missed the nugget so much  and I was just antsy to get back to her. In an attempt to keep busy and pass the time, I got my ass in gear and finally finished her year one photo album, her baby book, AND TADA!!!! I finished decorating her room. I know right, I'm so awesome it only took me 9 months and one year to do it! Our theme:  OWLS! I didn't really want or have a theme at first but I'm hooked on owls. All the patterns are so cute so I ordered a owl light switch cover, and did some other artsy stuff to make her room complete. Here's my craft of the week......wait for it........

Owl book ends. Here's what you do:

Buy two ceramic owls you can paint yourself for 3 bucks.

Paint the owls.

Realize the owls don't weigh enough to be bookends.

Rack your brain for a solution.

Realize putting sand in them won't work since you have no way to plug their butts.

Decide batteries are heavy and will just fit through the hole on the bottom.

Realize even full of batteries they still aren't heavy enough

Pout for 45 minutes

Try to get the batteries out

EPICALLY FAIL.

Lose about 30 bucks in batteries to owl butts

Decide to try to find some wooden book ends to attach them too

Decide to do it later

Don't finish the project.

Leave the owls in their place on top of the bookshelf and pretend they work

DONE.

That was not so hard was it?

JEEZ. I was so pissed. I spent an entire afternoon painting them, realizing they were not heavy enough, and deciding batteries were the way to go only to be thwarted by all of Sadie Marie's books who are CLEARLY smater than I. Awesomeness. It's OK, I have a solution I just need to get motivated again to finish it! Luckily I was just discouraged enough to quit for a while and resume my project the next weekend but we got a little tipsy for a friends birthday after a full blown tourist day in Old Town Alexandria so I got out of the project for the time being. I will finish when I get home from the beach and I'm fully ready to take this crap back on. I will kick some ceramic owl ass mark my words.

So we've been in Selma since Wednesday and I cannot WAIT to get to the beach. It will be the nuggets first trip, my first trip with a baby, and our first trip as a family since I can't even remember. The entire fam is going and now I'm hoping I can persuade them to leave earlier rather than later since I have been up since 5 AM. I'm thinking a 9 AM departure is a good time to leave. Hopefully the nugg will sleep most of the way as she has become quite annoyed with her carseat.

I'm not supposed to turn her around to face forward until she's two. WTF. Don't they be knowing kids are curious!?! Especially my child, she's nosy as all get out! She about breaks her neck trying to look out the window! I do not love that rule and have contemplated breaking it since she is 30 inches tall but Airhart won't have it. He so protective but it's sweet so I just let it ride. I'm trying to learn to do that more and not be such a stickler for things to go my way (the right way of course) so let's see how the beach trip goes. I will let y'all know if I need a vacation after we get back!

Love y'all!

A

One Year Reflections with April Airhart

So on Thursday, May 24, 2012 it was official, Sadie Marie turned at year old at 7:46 p.m. and she had several cupcakes that day to celebrate. Even though the baby daddy was MIA the week before he made it home in time to celebrate and I managed to make cupcakes to send with the nugget to daycare AND I worked out at 8 p.m. that day. I felt like a total grown up and working mom pushing my workout so I could bake. Does anyone from Selma reading this think you would EVER get all those words in the same sentence when referencing ME? Me either..... SHIV. It's funny, I officially turn 32 on July 2, but I have to admit most of the time I still feel 25. I think Sadie Marie makes me feel younger since we have starting watching cartoons and playing so much now that she's walking I get to act out my inner kid and it's SO much fun.

The baby daddy was gone for work last week and so Sadie Marie and I had lots of good girl time. We danced in the kitchen in our undies, napped, went for long walks to the park, and played with each other hair. Well, I played with her hair and pulled mine out in handfuls, it was fun. :)

The past year sometimes feels like it flew by and then when I reflect it seems like I have lived a lifetime in just one short year. I had a baby, visited Cunnie and John for 5 whole weeks during my maternity leave, went back to work, visited the SEL again in October, had a little family drama thrown in the mix, John Robert and Juju got married, I spent three glorious weeks back in Selma for the nuggets first Christmas, she had her first trip into Washington, D.C., we traveled to Chicago, then Iowa for a little Airhart family time, and now she's one. I mean how much can you fit into one year, it turns out the above list doesn't even begin to cover the firsts we've all had this year and I won't even bother trying to list them all.

The past week I was really reflecting on my pregnancy and Sadie Marie's birth. For those who don't know it was not so bad DURING the actual event, however following the blessed event was a different story. I have been contemplating the requests/questions about a baby brother in our future and THAT makes me question my sanity. While I do want another baby, I also want to enjoy these times. The past week with the baby daddy being gone really gave me a reality check. Do I want to do this with TWO.......ALONE. HELL NO. Don't get me wrong, I could do it but I don't want to at least not right now! So a baby brother may be on hold for another year or so.

Alright, now that I got all that mushy crap off my chest, let's move on shall we? Y'all know I gots some good stories I been hoarding. Prime example numero uno: April's first trip to the ER.

Exhibit A: April wakes up in the middle of the night with throbbing pain in the side of her head. She thinks she has cancer.
Exhibit B: April realizes her ear is what's hurting and she thus cleans her ears (I have always had sinus issues so the doctors have shown me how to keep my ears and nose clean to keep infection away) MISTAKE at 1 AM. 1500 MG of Tylenol are swallowed and I settled in for what I thought would be sleep since I had to be up at 5 AM for work. I should have known that my body had different activities in mind.

After laying in the bed completely SURE death was around the corner for an HOUR. I wake the baby daddy from the stupor that is his REM cycle and advise him I'm dying through a few tears. He looks at me like I'm a crazy person and asks what's wrong..... here's the convo:

Me: I'm, sniff, in a lot, sniff sniff, of pain. My head, ear, neck, should, blahhhhh, hurts. I don't know what to do.
Him: Go to the emergecy room.
Me: What?
Him: Go to the emergency room.
Me: Why?
Him: Becuase it's clear you are in pain. Do you want to wait for the doctor to open in 6.5 hours?
Me: No.
Him: Go to the emergecy room.
Me: What about Sadie Marie. (I of course assumed someone needed to go with me to the ER, the is serious it's the ER for heavens sake!)
Him: Well, do you want to wake her up and we will all go.
Me: No.
Him: Well I'll stay here with her.
Me: OK. I guess I'll have to get my big girl britches out.
Him: Do you have those?
Me: Sweet baby Jesus......

What I'm thinking is SHIV. Now I have converation with myself: April, do I really want to trek all the way to the ER, what if they laugh at you because you have like a M&M stuck in your ear or something. You have not exactly been swimming in M&M's lately but you never know, Sadie Marie could have easily stuck something in there, she's like a ninja........The ER is serious and you HATE them folks to treat the ER like the doctor but that is exactly what you are going to do because there was NO WAY in HELL you are going to lay around with a throbbing head and fever until 8 AM to go to Urgent Care. Stafford ER here I come.

I get to the ER and there is literally NO ONE in the waiting room. Now I have seen the show ER.....where are all the trauma victims or in the very least the crazy folks? Then I remembered I lived in Stafford, VA and it's a Tuesday night and remembered it was good there was no one here. I was FIRST in line. So I filled out my paperwork and waited.......and waited........for like 25 minutes. WTF. I know in the grand scheme that's not long but I was the ONLY person there........Finally some dude yells something at the lady who took my paper work and then says Mrs. Airhart. Awesome. I have a good feeling about this.......

They take me back to a little room that has a curtain. I totally feel like they need to step up their privacy measures a little bit. I could hear everything going on outside my cubby.....I know them folks outside could hear me telling these people all about how my last menstrual cycle was RIGHT NOW. Awesome. Luckily they didn't take my weight I guess.

After they got me all squared away they said the doctor would be right in and I of course believed them. I was the only person there, but again I waited and waited. I even heard someone talking about me on the other side of the curtain and still no one came. Them folks working in that ER are DUMB. Get a damn door so I can't hear the disdain in your voice when you tell him I'm there with ear pain. I HATE you.

About 20 minutes later, which mind you felt like 12 hours due to the shooting pains I'm having in my right ear. The doctor comes in looks me over, looks in my ear and says yep you have an ear infection. WHAT?!? Mouth agape, I wanted to ask him if he was sure it was not cancer because it felt like I had a tumor the size of a golf ball in my ear canal. Well, turns out that is due to pressure from the infecation and the sensitivity of your eardrum, you are in pain. Mind you he did say it was a pretty wicked ear infection and asked how long I had been sick. I had actually been sick with a cold for a week but my hear did not hurt until now. Well, that explains the extreme pain......thanks doc. You are a genius, how much is this noble prize wining information costing me?

He wrote me some prescriptions, explained them to me, and sent me on my way. I felt like such a tool. April Airhart ER patient/ear infection sufferer. Sadie Marie has had THREE ear infections, she never told me to take her to the ER. I'm so awesome it's not even funny. Anyway, after I survived that SHAME. I actually did get up at 5 AM and go to work because I never got to sleep. Plus I'm too damn busy at work to miss another day. I had missed the week before for the cold. I told myself before I left for the ER if I didn't have cancer I would go to work and we don't have a 24 hour pharamcy so I had to suffer through the next day cracked out on tylenol. I have no idea what the recommended dosage is for 24 hours but I'm quite sure it's not 1500 MG every two hours.

It's funny, I STILL have an ear infection almost two weeks later. I went back to the doctor on Thursday because it felt like it was getting worse, got some stronger antibiotics, and more pain meds. I tell you what,  I was REALLY shocked at how easy they be handing out vicodin. I got two prescriptions in less than two weeks. SHIV. I have only taken it at night so I have a whole bottle that probably won't get used especially since some of the pressure is starting to subside THANK GOD.

It's the busiest time of year for me at work. I manage the commencement events at work and our ceremony is June 15. I have about 7000 folks between graduates and guests coming to said events and being sick three weeks out is not ideal or helpful when you need to work, cause them folks are coming whether I'm ready for them or not so I HAVE to be ready.

I'm so busy I'm even allowing Sadie Marie to go spend 3.5 weeks in Alabama so I can focus on work the final two weeks before the ceremony. Airhart be a good daddy but he be DEAD tired when he gets home from work and for the safety of our marriage I opted for a visit to CiCi and Big Daddy's house! Sadie Marie is a year old, she's practially taking care of herself. :) The kid can say turtle. She's almost an adult. Cunnie was of course over the moon and I was relieved at first that she would have all the time and attention she deserves while mommmy brings home the bacon but realizing she's leaving next Tuesday choked me up at bit. I have only left her one time before when I had to travel to TX for work and that was ROUGH. I can't imagine what a month is going to feel like. I'm scared she's going to forget who I am. :( I'm know I'm crazy but I kinda LOVE my nugget, I'm going to miss her terribly. I will have lots of work to keep me busy so I know it will fly by and then we will be at the BEACH!! We just gotta get through the next few weeks and work and I can relax a little bit.

Oh did I mention her first birthday party is NEXT weekend? Of course I did. This week ought to get real interesting come Thursday. Reagan and Matt come to town with their devil dog Mason for Sadie Marie's birthday AND they are staying an extra week to visit D.C. I asked the baby daddy if he was ready for a full week of Reagan and I and he just rolled his eyes and said NO. BAHAHAHHAHAH. I know Reagan and I can get a little silly sometimes and we be alot when we are together. We have so many inside jokes it's hard for folks who are not us to get a word in edgewise but it's all in good fun that girl reminds me of who I am and makes me laugh like nobody else. I can't wait for her to get here!

I really wish my cousin Angie and her little nugget Elsie could attend. Elsie and Sadie Marie are a year apart and Angie and I are like sisters. I want the same for Sadie Marie and Elsie. Elsie be showing Sadie Marie the ropes just like Angie did for me when we was growing up. I know Sadie Marie will get some good quality time with Elsie when shes in Selma I just wish I was there too!

We gotta make it through this week though and God love him my sweet husband tried to do some dishes last night and instead of putting dishwasher detergent in the dishwasher he put liquid dish soap. The dishwasher was spewing white bubbles. I'm sitting at the computer working and here's the conversation:

Him: What's wrong with this thing?!?
Me: What's it doing?
Him: It must be broken there are suds everywhere!
Me: Get a towel
Him: I tried to drain it but there are STILL suds inside.
Me: What did you put in there.
Him: Dishsoap
Me: HMMMM, well Airhart you should have used dishwasher detergent. Dishsoap does not go in the dishwasher as much sense as that might make to you.
Him: Oh, well I didn't know that.
Me: No shit. Maybe you should ask me before you start working any of the appliances you are not sure about to include, but not limited to: dishwasher, oven, washing machine, dryer, and the ice maker. You stick to the coffee pot homeslice I know you can work that. BAHAHAHAHAH. He may never live this one down.

Well, that's all I got for right now. Sadie Marie woke up at 2 AM with a WICKED fever of 101.5 so we are headed to the doctor at 11:20 a.m. I hope it's nothing serious so she will be healthy for her party next weekend and for all her company. Cunnie and John be coming too! I can't wait to see mama and daddy and all our friends!

We took her 1 year pictures on Mother's Day here are some below: