You Left Your Baby Where?!

So while I was pregnant I had some weird dreams, but the other night I had a full blown nightmare meltdown. I woke up and could feel the anxiety in my chest, when dream has that kind of effect on you it's time to take a xanax (if I only had some!)

It started out as a nice trip to the mall, only the mall looked like downtown Washington, D.C. right here in Selma. (already you can see this dream was completely ludicrous) It was an outdoor shopping experience and I was bee bopping along looking at shoes and purses and all of a sudden I realized I had left Sadie Marie in the car. Yep, I left my newborn baby in the freaking CAR! It was about a cool 105 degrees outside and I left my child in the car. Initially, I tried to tell myself she was fine I had only been gone about 20 minutes and it could not have gotten that hot that quick........then I went into panic mode when I could not locate my car. All of a sudden the shopping mall became a maze and I was lost, I could NOT find where I had come from. I ran into my bestie Reagan and rather than stopping to talk I blew her off (without telling her what a horrible mother I was since I could not find my car or my baby) and rushed into what was now an inside mall and the Belk store in the Selma Mall, but it was two story so whatever. When I got to Belk I had clearly done this before because I new right where to go to find the lost children. I get to one of the checkout counters and there is Sadie Marie in her car seat dazzling the sales associates with her smile. Great, now everyone knows what a horrible mother I am because some clearly call 911 to rescue my child. This is where it gets weird if you can believe it.

I decided to tell the sales associate, who I thought was in charge of releasing my child as if she were from the Department of Child Services, that I was SO sorry I guess the reason I forgot my child was because I was a new mother. REALLY April? Even as I was dreaming this I knew it sounded completely ridiculous, but as she's giving me Sadie Marie she opened a closet door and it was like a lost and found for children. She told me it happened all the time and at least I had come looking for my child. Inside this closet was stroller after stroller and a complete play area for children who had been left in cars, left in bathrooms, and left just randomly around the mall. WOW......I guess this was my way of making myself feel better in my DREAM. When I left I was completely floored at these other "bad" parents and at the fact that no one was reporting them. I had some balls in this dream I tell you!

I woke up in COLD sweat and almost jumped to assure Sadie Marie was still in her bassinet. I have already decided I am no longer allowed to watch Law and Order: SVU but after this I guess I'm going to have to cut out the news altogether and this twit Casey Anthony is not helping my nightmare situation.

I never thought I would be one of those who wanted to keep an CLOSE eye on her child all the time but in this day and age I guess it's inevitable and it's amazing how quickly worry comes when you have a baby. I don't know how my parents got any sleep when I was growing up because I thought I was invincible and while I was careful, I look back and thank God I'm alive.

So no more Law and Order for me or Sadie Marie, she's asleep in the swing right now and is clearly having a dream that the milk supply is running dangerously low because she's letting out these hilarious little cries that do not wake her up. I feel bad for her, but at the same time I cannot help but giggle. I went to a friends house the other day. She has two kids and her TV was set on Nick Jr. I guess I should go ahead and just do that, maybe I won't have nightmares about Dora the Explorer, but you never know some of those cartoon characters are kinda creepy.

I don't think I will have to worry so much about Sadie Marie, her daddy already has her in training. He sent me this photo while I was out at the gym one afternoon. He decided to give her some mental and physical stimulation on her "gym".

Y'all be good.

April

Sadie Marie's Total Gym Workout!

Weekend Adventures

Well it's Monday night and it feels like it. Even though I'm not at working it's a full days work taking care of a baby and just leaving the house for a few hours! On top of that I have had a headache for about 48 hours now. I'm not sure what is going on with my skull but I'm not excited about it.

Anyway, we had a pretty eventful weekend.

Friday night mom and I took the baby to eat at the local BBQ joint Hancocks where I proceeded to eat my weight in the most delicious BBQ on the face of the Earth. While we were in there we of course saw several folks we knew but I have to say when we saw my mom's colleague in all his, I played golf all day glory, it was a worthy mention. He entered Hancocks and looked like a homeless person. He had on a yellow shirt, shorts, and was BAREFOOT. When the sign says shirts and shoes required, in Selma it clearly means optional. Mom asked where he had been he said cutting grass. Good thing all his toes survived he was three sheets to the wind and I'm pretty sure we decided in the early 1900's it was dangerous to cut grass barefoot, but this is the SEL and that's how we roll. I only thought to take a picture on my way home when I was able to tear my self away from my BBQ and realize what a gem that would have been so sorry y'all, you will have to use your imagination on this one.

On Saturday went to Montgomery, ate at Texas Roadhouse, went to the Namedropper, Target, and Ross all without having any doodoo incidents (well no major ones), no waredrobe changes, and no meltdowns. I was prepared, it turns out practice does make perfect, so after some of the other mishaps we have had while out and about I was sure I had all the necessary items for a happy trip. I fed the baby and we hopped in the car, picked Lib up, got gas, and and hour later we were on our way to Montgomery. I only have about 3 hours between feedings so after I spent an hour feeding and getting the baby ready, then an hour trying to get out of Selma, and then an hour drive to the big city elapsed, when we hit Eastchase Sadie Marie is hungry. Mom takes Lib into Texas Roadhouse, gets a booth, and gets the bottle ready while I stay in the car and change her. (LOVE traveling with mom!) I parked about a mile from the restaurant so I could easily get in and out of my car and of course a child molester van pulls right up beside me and parks and when I say child molester I mean it literally. This van was about a 1975 model, was about three different colors, and on the side it said "we help children." Help them do what? Have nightmares....mission accomplished. Then two creepy McCreeperson's got out of the van. Really, I would not let you help my child do anything. Shave your creeper bearded faces.

On to Texas Roadhouse. My mom said before we left, it's the weekend so I did not apply any eye makeup, I bet I see everyone I know...... YEP.......It's Saturday and you are going to Montgomery plus their was a golf tourney at the Club, the Dixie Baseball thing, a big yardsale, and a family reunion at bloch park, who wouldn't get as far away from the SEL as possible? The better question is who were you not going to see? We did not even hit Lowndes before we saw some folks from Selma we knew. We parked at Texas Roadhouse and so did some parents of a high school buddy. then we sat down and they sat us right beside a family we knew! HAHAHA, lesson learned Cunnie. Wear eye make up when you go to Montgomery.

Texas Roadhouse was uneventful, Sadie Marie slept the whole time. It was amazing, I fed her and she slept. I guess she was tired after the drive to Montgomery. Of all the sleep she fights she cannot fight the car. We ate and we had to go to Target. Lib is 83 years old, she does not love to get in and out of the car so she said since the baby is being good (meaning my two month old was not crying) I will just sit in the car with her. Sweet. I don't love to lug her in and out either, so we got in and out of Target easily same thing for Ross, but then I decided I needed a happy hour 1/2 price slushy from Sonic, plus I needed a covered area to change the baby since it had been pooring, Sonic was our choice. We roll into Sonic and while I order Cunnie changes the baby as soon as she picks her up to put her back in the car seat. Squishhhhhhhhh. FAIL. HAHAHAHAH, I get out and do the second diaper change. Luckily there was no doodoo on anyone but the baby and it stayed in the diaper. I get my slushy we do a Chinese fire drill and after everyone had changed seats we head home.

The second bottle was heated and fed to her in the car. Success! A+ for me on bottle feeding in the car, bout time.

Well, since she is currently screaming bloody murder y'all let me run. She just got a bath and she loves bathtime, what she hates is getting out of the bath. When I say she hates it I mean she HATES it. CiCi is sweating.......she's got her in the rocker trying to dress her. She handed me the baby and she had not even buttoned her onesie. It gets bad y'all :) You do not piss off the milk monster!

Y'all be good,

April

Hands up! Touchdown Alabama! She has the motions down, we just gotta get a Roll Tide outta her mouth now!

The Milk Monster's Dreams

So I guess I knew babies had dreams but I never realized they had babymares like dogs have puppymares! The milk monster has become quite the napper and occassionally she will, with her eyes shut and still asleep, let out these little cries and it's so funny you cannot help but laugh. Mom and I were sitting here the other day and a babymare occurred while Cunnie was rocking her.....

Cunnie: She's having a nightmare.
Me: Yeah, she's dreaming there was no more milk.

The baby daddy has officially nicknamed Sadie Marie the milk monster. I think he was really astonished at how loud and violent a baby can become when they wake up from the nap and they are hungry. The milk monster rules the house and when she is hungry you get out of her way and give her the milk. It's like we are all working for the baby mob and you either produce some milk or die. So I'm exaggerating a little bit but not much........seriously you do not want to piss off the milk monster.

It's funny because not only are we all scared of Sadie Marie when she cries, I also get the pleasure of the boob pain when she cries. I'm sure y'all all know what I'm talking about. Everytime she lets out a squeal I get a shooting pain in my boobs. Really? It's not enough I can see and hear her crying and that triggers my brain to say feed your baby, but I guess God put in a second fail safe for all the idiots out there who can't figure it out. I suppose there are some retards running around who are just stupid, they can't recognize that sometimes crying means feed me, so as a secondary warning system triggers their boobs hurt and leak. Geez, I feel like the girl in Mean Girls who thought she could use her boobs to predict the weather, but mine actually work to predict when the baby needs to be fed.

Over the past few days the milk monster has not reared her ugly head as often as she used to. It's like when we hit six weeks old she decided that she liked us, we would feed her, and we would not abandon her when she sat in a swing or the pack and play alone. It was like a switch flipped. She still fights sleep, but it's crazy two weeks ago this baby would NOT sit in the swing and she would definitely not sit in it awake and be rocked to sleep. She would NOT sit in the bouncy seat while I ate breakfast and she would NOT lay in the pack and play for more than a few minutes. It's crazy, I can lay her down in any of these contraptions wide awake and she will lay there while I do clothes or eat lunch. I can now lay her down in the swing and a few minutes later she will be asleep. I mean she's sleeping in it right now as I write this blog and it is AMAZING! Don't get me wrong, I love holding and cuddling her but between the baby daddy, Cici, Big Daddy and myself she was being held 24/7 the first week and a half I was home. Either she got tired of the cuddling or she's growing up right before our eyes. I often have to wake her up to feed her every three hours!

Now I had initially decided I was not going to wake the baby up to feed her but after a couple of choice encounters with the milk monster, I have decided to feed her before she morphs from sweet sleeping Sadie Marie into the milk monster, the less of that thing we see the better! Mom keeps telling me I did the same things, so I guess it's like they always say, you get it back when you have your own :) I can't wait for her to become a teenager. If y'all knew me back then, you know what I'm talking about. The baby daddy is in trouble and at least I have some experience, but I'm sure we are both going to have to show up with our A game everyday to parent this little firecracker! If her actions now are of any indication of the future he and I are both going to need full on pads and a helmet when she hits about 13. I'm of course bragging when I say she has been holding her head up since she was born and she almost catapulted herself out of Big Daddy's lap about a week ago. I knew I had a gymnst on my hands when she was in tummy, but I thought we might have a few years before she started doing back flips off the couch!

Just in past two weeks she has also started smiling up a storm and I can acutally make her smile, or at least I think I can. I would like to think she recognizes me and smiles because she is full from a drunken milk bing. My cousin Angie's husband came up with a term for their baby after she ate.......milk drunk. It's that hilarious rolling of the eyes and immediate urge to go to sleep after they are full and satisfied. Sadie Marie is milk drunk a lot and it is absolutely the cutest things ever and also hilarious!  Below are some pictures we have taken this week. Enjoy!

Y'all be good,

April

I just ate, burped, and got a clean diaper! I'm super happy!!

I love my uncle John Rob!

I'm in the SEL bitches!

Let me start by thanking Cunnie for watching Sadie Marie whilst I write this......it's not an easy job pacifying the milk monster :)

So my fabulous husband let me stay in SEL for the next three weeks......in all fairness his job demands that he travel and even though he's the boss, he's had two months off the travel schedule to tend to a very demanding pregnant wife and newborn so it was time we return to reality. He left yesterday going back to VA to the real world while I stay in Selma and live in slight state of lala land with my mommy and daddy or should I say Big Daddy and Cici. I have to admit I sometimes get tired of being in Selma, there is nothing like being babied by your mom, especially when you have a new baby!
There are some things I never get tired of in the SEL, for instance I know that on any given day I'm going to see something that makes me go WTF......see below.

I mean WTF.....that is a lot of bicycles dude, either this guy has 50 kids or he's planning on supplying the tour du France riders. I'm thinking neither.......the only thing that comes to my mind is HOARDER. Maybe we should call A & E and see if we can get him on the Hoarding: Buried Alive. I would hate to see what his house looks like. Lets not forget to comment on the awesomeness of the truck carrying 5000 bicycles.

Anyway, I have made more trips to Prattville and Montgomery since I got home than anyone should and luckily I know how to get to Montgomery. My grandmother told me a story today about a lady, who was from Selma, taking her kid to the doctor in Montgomery. The lady left work and about 8 hours later came back......they asked her where she was.....she said she looked up and was in Mobile.....really you were born and raised in Selma and you can't get to Montgomery. I have no comment here, you are a fidot and trust me when Grandma Lib telling the story I was cackling.

On to our trips, Wednesday we went to Bass Pro Shops. The baby daddy has decided he and Sadie Marie will fish. I told her he can only use her as bait right now so we should probably wait until she's two or so to give her something with a sharp hook on the end if he valued his eyes. I can see it now, I send them in one piece and he brings her back with hook marks all over both of them! We did pick Sadie Marie up a shirt from Bass Pro that reads "My first fishing shirt". Just in case everyone in VA was not aware of our redneck status, now there will be no question. I even decided she had some cute shorts that could be worn with said shirt. On this trip I decided I wanted to use my travel bottle warmer. Yeah that was a good idea......milk can be warmed up in like 20 seconds in the sink, the warmer takes 5 minutes. Five minutes feels like 60 when you have a screaming infant. Lesson learned, heat that shit up before she gets hungry. So then we got the stroller out and had a pretty good time in Bass Pro, she only screamed a little bit and every stranger I passed kept saying, Oh someones not happy....thanks douche bags I can hear her screaming too. I wanted to say if you were squished in a car seat would you be happy, but I kept my mouth shut. People have no boundaries when it comes to babies and they clearly think the mom needs to hear their opinion. Here's a little advice strangers, I don't give a shit what you think about my baby screaming. You want my opinion about how ugly you kid is? Didn't think so. :)

So then on Thursday, the baby daddy had to be taken to the airport at 4 AM. Whatever, I was just glad to be staying here while he travels. I left Sadie Marie here with my mom, put on some work out clothes and made the drive to Montgomery. I'm lucky I made it back alive, I was almost asleep by the time we got to MGM and do not remember the drive back to SEL. I have no idea why I thought a workout at 530 AM was a good idea, I got my ass back in the bed and slept for an hour.

On Thursday I made the drive to MGM twice. That's right, as soon as I got back from taking him to the airport, I slept an hour and made the drive again, but this time with Sadie Marie, Cunnie, and Lib all in tow. We had to take Lib (aka my hilarious grandmama) to the doctor. We are on our way to MGM, mom asked her if she knew how to get there she said yes, but then proceeded to tell us the story about the lady and her Mobile trip so.......Cunnie was having one of her daily check ins with Aunt Peggy and asked her how to get to the doctor anyway and Lib's clearly annoyed response while Cunnie was still on the phone: "I KNOW how to get there". Silence.........I have no doubt she knows how to get there, but telling us could be a different story and I did not want to end up in Mobile. :) We made it to the doctor, I fed and changed Sadie Marie in the car while the Kilgore clan went inside. I swear it's always a hoot when I hang with these ladies. Here's how the rest of my day went:

Cunnie: She has to come back at 11 to see the doctor. It's 1015 we are going to Peggy's house.
Me: OK, they are just going to have to turn around and come right back.
Cunnie: I know

We get to Aunt Peggy's at 1037, 8 minutes later they all get back in the car at go back to see the doc.
Me: Phew, a few minutes of silence. NAP time. Thank goodness.

They all pile back in around 1230 and then Cunnie and Peggy go get lunch. Guthrie's please. Thank you. I love some Guthries!

Lib: "Just get me what you get."
The food gets back and Lib says: "Goodness you got me such a large salad" They didn't have Lib size salads at Guthries, it's one size fits all Elizabeth.
Lib then proceeds to throw away all the leftovers.........commenting on how Cunnie ate all hers like she had not eaten in a week. HAHAHAHA, I'm just glad she didn't comment on me. I inhaled mine, I think I get a pass because I just had the baby.

Cunnie and Peggy leave to go run errands.
Me: Phew another stretch of silence. NAP time. Thank goodness.

Cunnie and Peggy return. Cunnie returns with the Miracle Blanket a friend told me about. WHOOP WHOOP, hoping for a good nights sleep!

We headed over to Prattville to see Aunt Angie and give her the wine we picked up for her. We passed her as she was heading out to run an errand so we met her in a parking lot to make the "exchange" and we were making jokes about how it looked like we were making a drug deal and sure enough a freaking cop rolled right up and parked. Really? Luckily we have come a long way since the days of the stealth and this exchange was legit. We handed off the goods, Angie got a little face time with Sadie Marie, and we headed back to SEL. We returned about 6 PM just in time to feed Sadie Marie. Phew, crisis averted. The milk monster rules the house and when she gets hungry she means business!

Auntie Ju Ju bought her this outfit and she looked SO cute in it!! She does not look like the milk monster she is here. :)

The rest of the night was uneventful, I did use that miracle blanket and Sadie Marie only woke up one time last night! I got 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep, and then three more! I can barely believe it. I'm hoping this is not a fluke we shall see tonight.

I think my baby is already growing up. She is currently asleep in the swing she absolutely loathes, I put her in it awake and it has rocked her to sleep. Amazing. So this is how these "swings" work. Usually we have to remove her from the swing because she's crying so violently. I'm hoping this is no fluke either. We currently hold her about 95% of the time. I would love to be able to pee without a screaming baby laying in her pack and play! Yay for swings! Yay for being in SEL!

Y'all have a good day

Love y'all,

April

El Ranchero

Miss Sadie Marie is growing like a weed. At her one month appointment she was 9 lbs 10 oz!

So as y'all know I'm in Alabama for a while visiting with my family and just really enjoying my maternity leave, but the baby daddy had to go back to VA for a few days early this week so on Thursday I picked him up in Montgomery and so our story begins........

Thursday was a good day so far, I got up early, got Sadie Marie fed, showered and got ready to take our first ride all alone for more than a few minutes. I was going to Montgomery to pick Theron up from the airport and luckily a trip to the Montgomery Regional Airport is a 45 minute drive morning, noon, or night. Traffic between Selma and Montgomery is non-existent and I LOVE it. Theron was due to arrive at 11:34 and I left my house at 10:45. It just makes me hate Northern VA traffic that much more. I live closer to the airport in VA and it takes me twice as long to get there, maybe longer depending on traffic. SO annoying.

So I pick the husband up and he wanted to take me to lunch for an early birthday celebration and then to the mall to get me something for my present. We make the 40 minute drive back to the SEL and we hit El Ranchero. Sadie Marie ate approximately 2 hours earlier so I thought I had enough time to eat and then we could feed her and go to the mall, she slept the entire hour to Montgomery and the entire hour back, I thought we were golden, she usually sleeps in the car seat but as usual she decided to break her new parents in right.

As soon we removed the car seat from the car the screaming began. I thought, OK she will drift back off once we start walking......NOPE......I thought OK maybe we should go back to the car, we are safe in the car right....I didn't want to let her or the baby daddy see me sweat so I told him to take her to the booth and I would go get a bottle ready.....Now I'm a pretty resourceful gal but I got to the bathroom and I was almost shaking trying to fix a bottle of the fly. I had a bag of breast milk, a bottle, and a sink with NO stopper. Come on El Ranchero....WTF. At this point I was just praying I could at least get the water hot so I could hold the bag under in long enough to get the milk luke warm and in the bottle before we had a complete meltdown on baby's first day out! After my fun filled experience in a public bathroom getting a bottle ready I exit said bathroom and following the screaming infant noises to my booth. Awesome, El Ranchero is PACKED and my daughter is HOWLING.....not the end of the world but I'm the lady who roles her eyes when there is a screaming infant and now I'm that mom who can't console her child. I quickly realize what a douche bag I used to be and tried to get Sadie Marie to take the bottle. She was not interested at first since she had only had one bottle before but she quickly realized there was milk on the other side of that rubber nipple and she sucked it down. Phew, a few minutes of silence but in the meantime I have ordered my food and drink and I have no idea what I got......Awesome.

We finished feeding the baby and since she has been gassy since the day she was born, Thursday was not different, and she continued to scream until she burped and spit up all over my nice black shirt. Score one for Sadie Marie - 0 for the parents. She's now out of the car seat and still howling......I'm rocking, bouncing, and burping her all at once.....here comes the food......I don't think I have ever gotten my food so quickly but clearly the folks at El Ranchero have a heart and knew I was trying to eat and split. I'm still not sure what I ate that day, I think it was a chimichanga but let's be real, it could have been anything. I immediately ask for the bill and out we go. I didn't even put her back in the car seat and they are lucky we remembered to pay the bill, I mean we were all sweating by the time we left the joint.

We got outside and the screaming has subsided so I wanted to run in Pilcher-McBride Drugstore and speak to some old friends and show my latest creation off and since the crying seemed to be over I was comfortable taking a few more minutes before we headed home. Fast forward 15 minutes, we get to the car and it hit me.......we had not changed her diaper before we went into El Ranchero....D'OH! I felt like I should slap myself on the back of the head. Sadie Marie HATES a wet diaper and not only was she wet as she had exploded. There was coney island mustard doodoo from front to back. Awesome. Score 2 for Sadie Marie and 0 for her parents. She wins.

So, on our first day out as a family (without Cunnie) we had a meltdown in El Ranchero, fed her in public, fixed a bottle on the fly, had a doodoo code red, changed her onesie, and STILL went to the mall. I think we all won that day because even after Sadie Marie threw everything she had us we persevered and did not let it ruin out day out. All I can say is I'm super glad we came back to Selma rather than going to East Chase in Montgomery. Meltdowns close to home are better than 45 minutes from home, even if the traffic is good!

On Friday we put our parent undies on and went back to El Ranchero for lunch with Cunnie and of course since my mom was present she slept the entire time. Thanks Sadie Marie! I can say I'm positive I had a chimichanga on Friday and it was fantastic!

I have been enjoying my stay in AL! See y'all soon!

Thank you Mrs Pat for my angel wings! We had a very successful photo shoot!

ERRRRR! I love my arm!